I don't consider myself as someone very impressionable. But then, a few people in my life have somehow always made me internalise things quite easily and at times without even meaning to. For eg: I guess, it is pretty usual for parents to say, "Don't just read, you idiot! Write and practice." Plus or minus a few words - most parents seem to have said it in my knowledge of people [exceptions - Please do not bother with pointing it out in the comment box!] Well, not that my folks ever knew what I was reading, a casual glance in the room with textbooks and me together always got the same reaction. Especially my mom, who went on and on about how its not an efficient way to study etc.
So one day, fed up of the bickering, I took up the nasty habit of writing every single thing I read. It definitely made things easier. Everything was one read job, took half the time and got almost written in stone at the back of my head. So I said, brilliant! Mom's advice works and then I paid a li'l more attention to what she said. :-) But on hindsight, I saw hell when I got into Engineering - writing everything before the end-sems when you start your preparations hours before the paper - NOT EFFECTIVE!
Anyways, I followed her advice of not waxing till I was in 12th [supposedly Girls who are good in studies never have hygiene problems!], doing my eyebrows till well into college and never gave up reading loads of books no matter what the exam was.
Similarly, amongst the innumerable early morning assemblies that my Principal in school addressed, one thing he often repeated was to clear your mind some 10 mins before you are going to sleep and think over all that you did today. Good or bad, worthwhile or worthless, essential or inconsequential - before dozing off. He said it cleared your head and many a times brought things into perspective. I liked the idea very much and followed it very religiously for quite long, till the beginning of my college atleast.
I notice a pattern now. All the habits [mostly good ones] seem to have abruptly terminated sometime after getting into college. Nevertheless, I am thinking about this because something, somewhere went terribly wrong. Somewhere down the line, while I was thinking - I forgot to think about what would eventually really matter. While I grew up, all mature, thinking far ahead of what my age or place demanded, acting more like someone I would be say five years later - I forgot that I should live in the present and see how I shape that. I was jolted back to this reality last week when SS asked me three questions.
- What are your core values?
- What are your principles and ethics?
- What is that one thing for which you would sacrifice the above two?
Undoubtedly heavy. Not something anyone can Google out. My instantaneous thoughts had me doubling back to cross check if I was so shallow. Now I see that to answer these and internalise completely, is a journey of self discovery. Knowing why you are the person you are. Why you can or cannot be the person you want to be. It has nothing to do with ambition, position or power, education or the lack of it. It has everything to do with you - unadulterated you. And I wonder...why are the answers then, so difficult to come by?
Current Read: 'fessing up! A brilliant blog - almost a journey of self-discovery, through the eyes of someone u don't even know.
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