Having lived the last 22 years on the West coast of India, this whole idea of sleazy men leching at me on a daily basis was quite foreign. Not that I have never been at the receiving end of such behaviour but atleast it wasn't at this epidemic levels where every man walking on the road could be a potential 'sleaze ball'! And right now on my way back from office, I couldn't find an auto and had to wait at a fairly crowded and busy traffic junction to get one, all I could think was which man is standing how far!
Only last week, the Sunday evening was beautiful and at around 6:30 in the evening, in broad daylight, I decided to walk down to Dodo's place, less than a km away from my flat. I put my really wasted jeans and a very un-flattering kurta for the sojourn and started. Barely 200mts away from his place, a guy half my height and a quarter my size, looked straight into my eyes and made smooching noises! And the next thing I know, I slapped him.
So in his head the only advantage that he could have had was - I am a MAN and she is a girl.
It irks me that men at all strata of society think this. And I have been trying for the last one week to think what could have been different to avoid this situation. The only answer which comes is to not have walked at all. I should have probably called Dodo over at my house, the more civilised side of the area. But why again? If anything I have more right than that guy to walk on any damn road, atleast I pay my taxes. So why should I hide away somewhere? Why should I have to keep looking back my shoulders to keep men at bay, when in no way am I coming in their way? And why should I keep staring at the road while I walk, to ensure that I don't get provoked when I see men on the street mentally stripping me naked?
To forward the cause of many women in India who face this, please also read the experiences of the many of us - smart, educated, independent and yet suffering this humiliation every day @ BLANK NOISE
26 comments:
To be honest, I think the onus is on us guys to stand up against another when we see that happen anywhere. I am proud of you that you slapped him.
First off, I have been reading your blog for a few years now.
Second, I have to call you out on your hypocrisy. What ticked you off was not that he approached you, it was the fact that he was a lowly labourer with no class. Had I(or any tall, well-dressed,smart guy) run one of my routines on you would have exchanged phone numbers and waiting for my call. So drop this I don't want to eve-teased thing. I know enough about girls top know about their own double-standards. If John Abrahams comes and beats a girl they will still be following around him like a puppy and if,well a labourer does it then he's screwed.
I thought/think you are intelligent enough not to fall into these feminist crap but............
Hey anon dude...? Whats ur point anyway....?Do u realise u don't make sense....wht on earth r u tryin to compare...? Really lame..
Hmm...so much for being a "tall, weel dressed, smart guy" equivalent that this comment is anonymous. And sorry for going on the defensive but you can hardly have someone figured out by "reading the blog for a few years".
Hypocrisy u say - to you may be. I demand to be treated like an equal. Yes, if its a labour class guy I assume he shouldn't have the balls to lech at me. But nothing I have written above should make u presume that it is ok for ANYONE else to do so either. And THIS very attitude among guys of every strata of society - about running their routines to have girls following them like puppies, is the root of this whole issue.
And since you have generalised - let me follow u on it. Instead of attributing this to feminism, your breed of guys shud give humanism a thought. Instead of trying to poke "hypocritical holes" in my argument, feel ashamed for justifying an act in anyway which could be demeaning to another person.
And while I was clear in what I wrote, I honestly would have given it a second thought about slapping had it been any guy who looked more powerful than I was. Not because i would have LIKED it, but only because I would have been unable to tackle it on my own without gettin into trouble.
Also while John Abraham may be the height of cool to you with his entourage of females, get me any guy who thinks girls are his fiefdom and are to be in anyway abused, I'll condemn it. And i also do not think any highly of those females who take such crap either. So pardon me for not falling into any of the traditional mental silos you have made for girls in your head.
And while I rue that I have lost the your vote on being intelligent, I am glad that what I am doesnt depend on a certificate from you. Thanks for visiting my blog though! :P
Anon,
Since when did feminism become synonymous with stupidity? She stood up for herself and that became a sign of her idiocy? Where in the post did she mention that she would have been appreciated being eve-teased by ANYONE?
What makes you imagine that she would have exchanged numbers with you? You, with the comment you have written, have just effectively proved that you endorse eve-teasing. This is not my blog, but if it were, I would say, stay away.
I am anon1.
Ellie, ellie.....so uprightly idealistic yet so hypocritical. I have got it on with girls who were too coy and shy on the road were and were the exact opposite in more intimate moments.
What's my point here? It's simple. I the writing style here so I am no troll here who was just waiting for a target to pounce on. Ok with that out the way, I'll repeat my maxim- "If the author of this blog were approached by me, some slaps owuld have ben exchanged but in a very different setting. Why? Because I am a high status male who knows his way around around ladies. All these other guys commenting here are like the betas that Elliez would never consider her bf no matter what she says. Chicks dig strong, confident alphas.....like me. The guys supporitng the blank noise project and all that crap are basically doing it get what I want from girls. Message blast to the guys- it doesn't work. chicks don't like effeminate losers at least not in their prime. To end, two things. Today Elliez is complaining about lewd looks. In five years she will be complaining about the lack of lewd looks. Second thing, even though I don't condone the labourer's behaviour at some level I have to appreciate his courage when most of the overeducated people I know can't even do that.
Regarding that Jon Abram thing, Elliez's response is so funny because I have seen this reactions first hand and how hollow they are.
P.S- I don't mean to offend Elliez here. I don't even know her and am sure she is fab in person and even better in ahem ....These are actual observations from the very real world which fucntions according to it's own laws and not according to our fantasies.
Well, to all the above trash - You wish!
Do please have the courage to leave your name the next time you visit and choose to give people like me a peep into ur shallow, chauvinistic mind.
Or rather...stay away. Jus knowing that people like you...supposedly educated and sophisticated exists and claim themselves to have a class is enough for me to feel shamed without having you around here and commenting.
I am anon1.
Elliez, someday you will see the truth in what I have said. The world is a cruel place and we all have our fantasies shattered by the sharp-edged realities of the society we live in.
Till that day comes, adios girl.
Here is an Anon'New'-
Sach bata raha hoon, maja aa gaya padh ke.I can skip one full show of Raju Srivastava for this discussion. Carry on buddies...
P.S.- The story seriously needs more comments from the fairer sex. Kindly contribute.
I am anon1.
To the poster above, if you want to know more about this stuff start with this - http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/van/152468438.html
I am sorry so what's the reality here? I really can't understand. That if it was a 'strong, confident, alpha male" like anon 1, then Ellie would have been so flattered by the attention and would have ended up exchanging numbers with him?
WHY?
DC~ Totally beyond me! This also makes me question, that if its such an obvious response then how come every single time I have been leched at, I only felt like hitting the living daylights out of the person.
Also, I guess such "alpha-ism" is what makes a vast majority of men think that they are doing a favour to sexually deprived female populace by acting like such morons.
Pity them girls...won't you?
Pingback from Blogbharti :[...]Now, how would you react to a person who thinks feminism and hypocrisy are synonymous? Did I tell you he calls himself this strong alpha male who is so afraid of his own views that he doesn’t post even his name? Look at what the Dreamcatcher and Ellie have been done so far in the comments section. And yes, please reserve your choicest words for him but try to bait him enough so that his IP can be traced. [...]
I am anon1.
You girls don't seem to understand. What is the point of life? Except procreation there is none. Life is completely pointless. If you read the book "Moral Animals" (c.1994) you will get a very good overview of how evolutionary pschycology ties so closely into our daily. Noted evolutionary biologist Prof Trivers (at Rutgers Univ, now) has done pioneering work in this area.
Why I am telling you all this? To get it past your dense heads that I ain't no crazy stalker. Once upon a time I was also like a sweet little beta-boy that girls would be friends with but never sleep with. Then I saw past the double standards of girls and wisened up and have had great success with the fairer sex since then.
The truth about eve-teasing tha I have realized after my years of experience on the ground has been this- girls never complain about eve-teasing in high end restaurants , elite lounge bars or some such place where there is a high concentration of alpha males. My own example - yesterday I said something "outrageous" to a girl on the street but instead of slapping me we exchanged numbers and will most likely go out on a date. Eve-teasing is nothing but a figment of the feminist brigade - an urban legend rooted in the angst of unattractive women. I ask you -based on common sense- if a hot girl walks down the street what is a guy supposed to do? Act like nothing happened. It's in the male psyche to react to hot girls. If guys don't stare at girls how will my dad and mom have met? I owe my existence to eve-teasing. What Indian men lack is style with women- this is commonly manifested in the urban legend called eve-teasing. Indian men from childhood have no experience with women and then suddenly in their youth they supposed to transform themselves into total casanovas. It is this genuine trial and error of hapless Indian men trying to navigate an uncertain world that leads to so many troubles. My empathies are with my Indian brothers. I have seen their struggles first-hand and know how hard they have it.
Elliez,Dreamcatcher I mean no ill towards women. On the contrary, I love women. The have given me so much starting with my mother. But what ticks me off is the way Indian society esp the urban elite like you potray everything as men's fault. There is no doubt that the state of women in India-esp rural women- is bad and needs to improve and it will but rabid outdated, non-critical viewpoints like eve-teasing do no good.
If you want to track down my ip and all, don't bother, give me your email and I will gladly talk to you.I too graduated from a sister university of Elliez not that long ago and work in finance and have seen quite a bit of the world. I am very much legit and no troll.
Phew!!! Nice reading...but too serious... he ellie, i guess u should also think abt the other gals who would be impacted with your this action. The next time the 'guy' feels like doing something of this kind, he knows he is gonna be slapped so he would just go on and smooch the gal instead ;) Just kiddin... nice work... lucky i didn't try anything like that :)
ANON: I have seen and met the likes of you before. You who think that women are at your mercy. Your tall-handsome profile(as you proclaim) is a reflection of the lack of nuts between your legs which also, by the way, prevents you from putting up your name. And the girls who sleep with you, they are as naive as you are. And I cannot imagine that you have better things to do. Your boring after-work life has made you so desperate that you go around looking for targets in the city to have a shag AND comment on blogs of people you havent even met. Tell me this, although I am sure you are a one-time-one-night-BLUNDER, do girls ever come back asking for more? Or is this precisely the reason why you have to hunt everyday. Let me tell you a fact about eve-teasing. It is not welcome by any girl. Except probably by the desperate kinds (Read: YOU) who cant get their hands on anything. All women reserve the right to smack any kind of guy if she is not willing to indulge in this nonsense. Attractive or not, women arent a subject of ridicule and molestation just so you can feel the stronger sex. My friend, the owner of this blog, has more dignity than any of the girls you shagged have (even if you put all of them together). And Yes, procreation is important but it also has some amount of class to it unlike you who try to make it sound like a rubbish piece of shit just like yourself.
So why dont you take your fucking attitude, which stinks of your smugness to shove it up your ass and leave this blog to where it is.
Cheers
Pri
whoa! whoa whoa! since when is feminism bad anyway? why is anon1 anonymous?
more power to you, ellie!
also
please hve a look at this
Dear Anon1
I am sorry that the girls are wasting their time arguing with you - because you are only doing the online variant of eve-teasing, and you only WISH you were an alpha male.
They should slap you down with one sentence and move on.
Or should they?
Judging by you last comment I think you are now whining for understanding anf thinking a little more - so they have done you - and probably other women you would have preyed on otherwise a favor.
Trust me - the real alpha males confident about themselves and around strong women actually find it easy to be nice to women.
hmmm.... interesting, interesting.
@pragnya: phod diya yaar.
@anon1: what's the point arguing for the sake of it.Moreover I feel its good now you stay anon. I am not judging anybody, but the person slapped stayed quite and looks like even he thought he deserved it. Maybe you are making a mistake by generalizing female nature as appears from your comments. That doesn't mean that you are wrong, or deserve such criticism, it is that you will keep on getting your hand's dirtier and no body would listen to you.
Whoa! I guess I missed a lot in the short while I had been away from the blogosphere!
Well, what can I say? I don't think I can ever undestand the plight of women who get sexually harassed (I think I can call this so) in public but I remember once getting my balls caressed in a local train in Mumbai by some 45 yeard old guy! I wasn't too confident to slap him up, like you (Ellie) did...but I did return him the squeeze. And trust me, I wasn't too romantic or even gentle at that! ;-) Just my way of taking on things.
I remember my girlfriend once complaining to me of one such atrocious behavior, some time back. Moreover, studying in a college in a place that's called "formerly Bihar"...I have witnessed and heard of more than enough of such cases. I know I acted like a wimp by not getting onto their backs 'coz most of them unfortunately happened to be my friends.
Anyways, the point is...I salute to you and all the rest of the folks, irrespective of their sexes, who stand up and care to take up a cause on their own shoulders!
Peace!
@ Anon 1
First of all... leave your name when you are making such weird comments. Temme something, how would you feel... everytime you walk in a place and you are stripped naked... no not physically but by a nice scrutiny of the people around you... its no fun getting x rayed either by a low class or a high class. Well.. I might sound like a hippocryate...but the truth is that a guy who comments so lamely on the fact that Ellie is a hippocryate jst coz she shrugged one of the many advances that may have come at her... and I stay in the rape capital of the country... and most of the 'rape' cases that do happen by the well dressed male of the society... lemme ask you something... why are the male of the Indian society such pig heads and so sex starved....?? If you are... just pay for it...instead of spoliling a girls life... I wish this gets into your head... and you never ever make comments esp on such sensitive issues without thinking twice.
@Ellie-
Shayon fwded the link of this blog to me. Great work, I too am a blank noise member.
Non-anonymous, anti-feminist, male chauvinist = me.
@ Anonymous 1 : good fight man, u did well. but u did not keep your cool.
@ellie and the gang : entertaining and correct.
Im sorry to tell it to ya like it is but anon1 is right at one place.
u chicks are hypocritical
The only alpha males I know are those who don't really think about it that way. Girls, we shouldn't even bother justifying our stance. We are. That's enough.
Ellie,
You did the right thing, and no two ways about that.
Anonymous 1,
What if your "Alpha-male", "well dressed a$$" suddenly became the object of affection of a gay dude? Would you like it if a "well dressed Hi-classed" dude showed tremendous physical interest in your derriere? Are you that desperate to let him use you for his temporary joyride? No hard feelings against the people of any sexual preferences. If you too had been the object of unwelcome attention you will resist it.
And as for hypocrisy, if you had your back side felt up by a “Hi-class” lady, you would not object to it, but if that affection came from a laborer lady you would not think twice about physically defending yourself and attacking her! You will hurl abuses at her and her entire kind of people. I don’t need to point out who will be the hypocrite here!
The fact remains that people have the right to chose from whom and WHAT affection to receive. What is unwanted and uninvited is unacceptable.
All~ Thanks for all the support and views people.:)
The above discussion is quite representative of the prevalence and also of the support such behaviour enjoys even among those who have benefitted from education. The only way of fighting it is probably by standing up to it - in anyway possible, sending out a message that THIS is unacceptable no matter which strata of the society u belong to.
Cheers
Post a Comment