Blank Noise

It makes me so sick these days that a simple thing like catching an auto or taking a walk in the evening requires this undue amount of thought put into. And since when have these one dimensional activities required a multi-variate mental model! But then how on earth is one not supposed to feel apprehensive when most unescorted evenings on the road here involve atleast one sick B@$!@#% trying to grab my (now diminishing!) ass or make vulgar noises. If I were some beauty queen, it might still have mollified my vain soul but I am positively seething that now even plain janes here cannot feel safe. And while it is not justified that any female be subjected to such humiliations, that no one is spared makes me feel really vulnerable.

Having lived the last 22 years on the West coast of India, this whole idea of sleazy men leching at me on a daily basis was quite foreign. Not that I have never been at the receiving end of such behaviour but atleast it wasn't at this epidemic levels where every man walking on the road could be a potential 'sleaze ball'! And right now on my way back from office, I couldn't find an auto and had to wait at a fairly crowded and busy traffic junction to get one, all I could think was which man is standing how far!

Only last week, the Sunday evening was beautiful and at around 6:30 in the evening, in broad daylight, I decided to walk down to Dodo's place, less than a km away from my flat. I put my really wasted jeans and a very un-flattering kurta for the sojourn and started. Barely 200mts away from his place, a guy half my height and a quarter my size, looked straight into my eyes and made smooching noises! And the next thing I know, I slapped him.

What angered me most at that moment, was less about him making that face, but more about why? For any action, every human evaluates the person in front. Is he stronger than me? Is he smarter than me? Is he more influential? Is he more capable? No one wants to lose to a stronger opposition voluntarily. So what did this guy think when he felt like smooching? Did he think he was stronger? ( You have his description!) Did he think he would get away coz no one can see? We were in the middle of the market area, one shout could have got the whole locality out! Was he some influential guy? Nope, prolly a labourer.

So in his head the only advantage that he could have had was - I am a MAN and she is a girl.

It irks me that men at all strata of society think this. And I have been trying for the last one week to think what could have been different to avoid this situation. The only answer which comes is to not have walked at all. I should have probably called Dodo over at my house, the more civilised side of the area. But why again? If anything I have more right than that guy to walk on any damn road, atleast I pay my taxes. So why should I hide away somewhere? Why should I have to keep looking back my shoulders to keep men at bay, when in no way am I coming in their way? And why should I keep staring at the road while I walk, to ensure that I don't get provoked when I see men on the street mentally stripping me naked?

To forward the cause of many women in India who face this, please also read the experiences of the many of us - smart, educated, independent and yet suffering this humiliation every day @ BLANK NOISE